February 28, 2003
You know what sucks? Ordering a steak and cheese grinder (with mushrooms, onions, and peppers) from your favorite pizza joint, and after picking it up, discovering they've really given you a really bad eggplant grinder instead. (Really bad meaning there was a little cheese and no sauce; hell, if it were a real eggplant grinder I would have eaten the thing. I was hungry.) I was way beyond taking it back, especially when I had perfectly good bbq ribs left over in the fridge, but it still sucks.
The only consolation was envisioning the vegetarian who ordered that wimpy eggplant thing taking a bite of my sandwich. Bet they yelped more than I did.
eric 8:48 PM
February 27, 2003
Connie Chung just said goodbye to Mr. Rogers as if she was seeing him off at the bus. What an idiot.
eric 9:00 PM
Dreamcatcher, based on the Stephen King novel from 2001, is about to be released theatrically. I liked the book, although like a lot of King, it was way good at the beginning and sorta petered out at the end. Part of the reason I liked it is because some of it takes place at the Quabbin Reservoir right here in the Happy Valley. The book concerns an alien invasion that begins in backwoods Maine, but threatens to overrun the country; the aliens take over by spreading spore (called "byrus" in the novel), which, when ingested, turns into one nasty gastroenterological problem, otherwise known as a "shitweasel."
The cast won't blow you away, but there are some recognizable names:
Morgan Freeman plays Colonel Abraham Curtiss (like "Kurtz." Get it?)
Thomas Jane is Dr. Henry Devlin, the troubled psychiatrist. (Jane is the guy from that tv show about the Cape Code airport, right?)
Jason Lee plays "the Beav." (That's the character's name. Honest.)
Donny Wahlberg plays "Duddits" the telekinetic Downs syndrome "Dreamcatcher" of the title.
Anyway, I'm sure the movie will suck. I'm really wondering who might play the part of the shitweasel, basically a furry tapeworm with needles for teeth and a prediliction for biting, shall we say, sensitive areas of the male anatomy? Hmmm. Will it be him? Or him? Or maybe "him"?
UPDATE: The Cape Cod airport show was called "Wings" and didn't star Thomas Jane. I believe I was thinking of Thomas Hayden Church, who played "Lowell" in that series. My bad.
eric 9:00 PM
February 20, 2003
OK, close your eyes.
Wait, not yet. You can't read this if you close your eyes. Get somebody to read this to you. While your eyes are closed. OK? You can imagine this, instead of reading it.
Got somebody? Good.
This almost sounds like fun, right? Well, it isn't. Sorry. It's not supposed to be. I'm going to ask you to imagine things that aren't really fun. Not at all.
You're sitting in a 1.8 meter by 2.4 meter space. That's hard for most people in the United States to imagine. The 1.8 meters is the distance you have to move sideways. That's a little less than 6 feet. From side to side. Are you six feet tall? Not quite? Are you five feet tall? A little more? Keep these measurements in mind while you think about this space.
The 2.4 meters is what you have to stand up in. That's almost 8 feet. That's better, since you probably aren't 8 feet tall. I just stood up in my living room. It's probably 10 feet tall, maybe more. Cathedral ceilings and such are way higher. Where I work, in a converted eighteenth century cannon factory, there's at least 15 feet of space. I can move around and not have to think about the ceiling and how high it is.
The walls are wire mesh. Chicken wire, is the first thing I thought of. Not a lot of privacy, for all the things you have to do. For personal duties, you've got a bucket. Not sure of the size. Not sure how often it's emptied.
You can take a shower every day, maybe two, (these are described as "opportunities," so there might be some latitude as to whether they actually happen.) You've got "personal time," maybe for prayer, or other things, although prayer is probably you're best chance for contacting the outside world. There are three meals: A breakfast of "bread, cream cheese, an orange, a pastry, a roll, a bottle of water." Lunch, "typically a box of cereal, two cereal bars, a packet of peanuts, one packet crisps, one packet raisins, a bottle of water." And dinner, "typically white rice, red beans, a banana, bread, a bottle of water."
Hey. At least there's rice and beans to provide some protein.
Other than that, there's exercise, a doctor visit if you're feeling under the weather (the weather being between 72 degrees at night and 82 during the day). You've got a copy of the Koran, and an extra towel to serve as a prayer mat, which you'll no doubt use five times a day. You can write a letter under supervision (all pens collected afterwards!).
I'm not going to discuss why you're here, what particular crime you've committed, what unimaginable alliance of Allah and Satan have led you to this point. Maybe you're guilty; maybe not. I'm not a prosecutor. I'm a reluctant witness.
OK, open your eyes. Feel better?
I have no idea what people in this situation might feel like. But this makes sense, I guess.
eric 9:16 PM
Ahhh, what's a trillion dollars or two.
A short war with Iraq could cost the world one percent of its economic output over the next few years and more than $1 trillion by 2010, Australian researchers said in a report on Thursday.
A long war could more than triple the costs, they said. The compounding effects of rising oil prices, extra budget spending and economic uncertainty could cut $173 billion from the world economy in 2003 alone, said the researchers, Reserve Bank of Australia board member Warwick McKibbin and Centre for International Economics executive director Andrew Stoeckel.
eric 8:23 PM
/// ///
|
|
|
